I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
