Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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