she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
