Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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