My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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