Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
