Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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