There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
