I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
