College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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