i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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