He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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