i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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