gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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