i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
