Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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