Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
