the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
