Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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