I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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