i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
