so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't turn off my feet"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize