Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
