Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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