I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
