ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
