I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
