We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
