She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
