I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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