if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He did a backflip because drugs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
