I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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