Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
