Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
