It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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