im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
