Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
