I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
