i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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