Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
