You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
