Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
