he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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