so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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