life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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