He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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