considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
