i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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