we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
