You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
