i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
