3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
