So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
