Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
