ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.