I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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