we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick