My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
