dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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