And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
