apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
tell me about the eggs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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