All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
