all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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