If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
