i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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