I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
