Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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