I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
